Sunday, August 22, 2010
English and German
In German, it takes a suffix to turn a verb into a noun. With Teutonic severity, "-schaft" halts the verb, that which is essentially in motion, in its tracks, as if planting a jackbooted foot on its tail. In English, it takes a suffix to turn a noun into a verb--"-ize" is like a zap of magic lightning that brings static nouns to life.
Friday, August 20, 2010
"I have successfully privatized world peace!"
I don't know about you New York liberals, but here in the real America we believe that private enterprise beats the government every time. And anyone who thinks that this rule does not extend to use of force, the traditional prerogative of the state, clearly hasn't watched many movies. We all know that vigilantes are better than cops at catching crooks, and mercenaries are better than army men at fighting evil dictators as terrorists.
My Proposal: As President Obama withdraws US troops from Iraq over the next year, he should replace them with small, multi-national groups of mercenaries. They would be the best fighters in the world, hand-picked from elite military and military intelligence units from across the globe. Because these covert missions would require the utmost stealth in extremely close quarters, all mercenaries would need extensive training in hand-to-hand combat. Some might therefore also be culled from various martial arts schools in East Asia as well as from American mixed martial arts leagues.
Some of these mercenaries might be bright-eyed young idealists, eager for an opportunity to make a difference. Some might be thrill-seekers, the sort who live for danger. Some might be disgraced men with nothing to lose, trying to leave the past behind and start a new life. Some might be cold-hearted cynics who are just in it for the money--but that's okay, we all know that the spirit of capitalism brings out the best in people. A few might even be grizzled veterans who are getting too old for war, and who might have even already retired when they decided to go back for one more mission. And I'm sure at least one would be a woman, probably a somewhat Hispanic-looking woman with a knack for sneaking up behind people and saying something clever before slitting their throats. The woman wouldn't take any shit from anyone, although she might fall in love with the bright-eyed young idealist by the end of the m...ah, I mean, eventually.
My Proposal: As President Obama withdraws US troops from Iraq over the next year, he should replace them with small, multi-national groups of mercenaries. They would be the best fighters in the world, hand-picked from elite military and military intelligence units from across the globe. Because these covert missions would require the utmost stealth in extremely close quarters, all mercenaries would need extensive training in hand-to-hand combat. Some might therefore also be culled from various martial arts schools in East Asia as well as from American mixed martial arts leagues.
Some of these mercenaries might be bright-eyed young idealists, eager for an opportunity to make a difference. Some might be thrill-seekers, the sort who live for danger. Some might be disgraced men with nothing to lose, trying to leave the past behind and start a new life. Some might be cold-hearted cynics who are just in it for the money--but that's okay, we all know that the spirit of capitalism brings out the best in people. A few might even be grizzled veterans who are getting too old for war, and who might have even already retired when they decided to go back for one more mission. And I'm sure at least one would be a woman, probably a somewhat Hispanic-looking woman with a knack for sneaking up behind people and saying something clever before slitting their throats. The woman wouldn't take any shit from anyone, although she might fall in love with the bright-eyed young idealist by the end of the m...ah, I mean, eventually.
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